i need someone who understands

I need someone who understands
that not everything in my life went acording to plan
that I behaved in ways I now see was out of hand
but is still willing to stand with me in a united band.

Rant 2

He walks directly behind me, allowing no space between us.
Allowing no air for another to divide us.
Except this time I wasn't trying to be touched.

So i acted like I was in a rush.
To grab a seat,
I put some pep in my feet.
Snagged the on near the door,
with but two empty seats.

I closed my eyes right as I sat down,
only to feel a heavier pound,
your coat brushing against me
the sound of you speading ya feet.

Taking up room,
taking it from me
just like you did my voice
acting like I didn't have a choice.

But guess what- I do!
So I scheme a plan to escape you.
I stand up quick,
and bolt like I was sick.

About to vomit out all the words you neva let me say,
so this shall be our final play.

And I don;t look back to see if your behind,
I just keep it moving,
swallowing the words back into my mind

replaying it, perfecting it
until it feels like mine
and i winder the right time
to leave you with this last rant of mine.

I'd doubt you'd call me again
if you knew how you now made me felt.

So lets not take it there.
Leave me be without a care.
Because there are many fishies just like me.
Except they will love you more honestly.

Let it be.
Let me be.
You will see.
Its clear to me.
Let it be :-

Kind of lives.

What is this constant need for affirmation?
what is this ache and pain when your void isn't filled
when your body isn't touched
and your soul isn't fed with that recognition that you are in fact alive
that your not invisible
roaming around through space and time
your an active part of the present world

so what does it say when your unwanted in crowds
from people who once always wanted you around
what do I make of the one that had said
she wished we never had to leave the comfort of her bed
what does it say that she once wished I were dead?

should it not matter because those who matter would never mind
of is it that i have been dazed, lost in the repeating of time
life goes on, wounds heal and fires burn
perhaps one fall day it shall be anothers turn
to posses my thoughts and tickle my mind
with visions of hope that this new face will be a better kind

then of course, if their not i'll have her to think back on
write down my sorrow s and play back our old love songs-
then i'll be in that nostalgic mood of sadness and missery

"is it pathetic to cry of all the winters that will not be
of the broken sheets of ice floating down the hudson
that i shall never get to see"
I sit in nana's old rocking chair, writing franticly
blinding by all the sentences that must touch the paper before it escapes my memory

"come away with me" the words circle around in my brain
"drive to space and see all the stars in their glory and planets in their mystery"
"lets get high under a clear blue sky and escape all sanity"
"hold my hand through every step and it will be a fulfilling journey"

but he I am distracted by these uncertainties
when there is a life set out for me where I can see all that I can be
where the pain if less and structure provides some ease
the passion may grow dim but at least you'll have your loyalty.

What kind of lives are these?

wear my hat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbhgzA98IAY

you can wear my hat,
put it on and hold it tight
ill let you rock it the rest of the night
dont get no drinks on it or get in a fight

just as long as you return it unharmed
once the clock strikes 12, ill be singing my last song
meet me bak by the vending machines
if you get there right we can share munchines

take a walk into the night
as long as that hat you holding tight
wear my hat and ill hold you hand
so no matter what I know its on solid land

lets find a field of grass, lay my jacket down and stare up high
without no lights we can see every single star
if we're lucky w'll see one shooting right by

you can lay your head on my shoulder
ear to ear ill hear every breath
move down to my chest
and feel the beat at my hearts best

because just to be close to you is divine
just dont loose my hat and we can rock here for a blissful time
come away with me

Because I knew you.

Can I fix whats been broken?
Or is it time to give up?

Perhaps it was over long ago
but my heart kept hope no matter what.

Now I feel disgusted with myself,
knowing that every term of endearment
would be twisted into a creepy sum,
how painful it is
when all you want to do is express love
and instead it is translated in a way that makes the girl run.

Will my second chance ever come?

Not if I keep waiting for one.

Its hard when every pretty sight makes me think of you.
How the sunlight beaming on my cheek makes me pine for who
I thought would be a person i'd never lose.

Boundaries are important, thats the biggest lesson i've learned yet
but i've also realized its easier to survive by living without regret

I am so sorry Ive scared you, this is honestly true.
But I can never be sorry for the day I first laid eyes on you.

Because I have grown to be better because I knew you.

13 Reasons Why

I just finished yet another book that maes me feel like my my persective on people and life will be changed forever.

Being someone who has battled with the thought of suicide, though never being weak enough to do it, I can relate to a lot of how Hanna was feeling through her struggle.

This book is SO imprtant for young people to read. We are so valnerable in our fastly changing bodies is this fastly evolving society. Every word, gesture and expression has the power to make or break our confidence in ourselves. Thats why we must open the conversation, ask questions and express ourselves as often as we need so that no one gets caried away by one sad thought.

Tell the people you love you love them. Give affection as often as people will accept it and don't ever stop smiling because I swear, a smile can save a life. At least a genuine one can.


http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/hannah%20baker?before=19

fall for a tree

OHH how i wish i could marry a tree. 
What a nice stable relationship that'd be.
I'd lean on their trunk, 
leaves float down as they please, 
making the lovely image or it raining orange, yellow and green. 

It'd be fall of course, when our love affair would begin,
as the months pass I'd come give you warmth in winter,
every day, til it was once spring again.

Then Id take my original spot, 
flower buds blooming from your branch- 
cool breeze tickling my skin, 
i'd giggle feeling their love surround me, 
the wind making em dance.