"Blue"

"I love you, but I love me more"
a phrase that would hurt right down to the core
if ever uttered from the love once discovered
thats now ended and but only left you poor

It makes one wonder if one does not love oneself enough
or that maybe your baby just made you better and stuff

perhaps the problem was when you got comfortable in time
expecting today to turn into tomorrow with her still by your side

you may have even let out a little cry
when she told you her last goodbye

but deep down inside you still somehow assumed you'd still get to start over again.
Or at least stay her friend.

but lets not pretend, no love can last forever.

and with the uncertainties of these absudities comes the fear of not finding again what one did for thee.


wasn't pining the best part?
the butterflies and late night sighs
my heart aching just to be near to you
and whenever you graced your lovely eyes into mine
my breath would pause neatly just to better focus on you

oh how it makes me so blue
to recall of such a tragic poetry
seeping from my soul to my mind to my fingers- to you
what a shame what we both had to do
to reenact a feeling in seasons anew

I know now what I must do to be rid of you.
but oh, how it makes me blue.

I musent wait

I musent wait for you
for i'd be waiting a lifetime

though I thought our love was true
it has not been the most kind

what is my destiny?
does it include you returning to me?
do we ever get to live happily?
Is it a joke to even think if thee?

I mean you silenced me in my darkest hour
I was loosing my mind and you just protected your honor

What was that thing we used to say?
How we'd always be friends and never let the other get away?
Well I lost my sanity and faith in humanity
since you last out reached your hand to me

Its been a hard road back to normalcy
what ever the fuck that may be
its been lonely and harsh
and even worse that I can no longer feel you in my heart


I've painfully seen
just how lonely life can be

how easily you can get lost in a sea 

if there isn't a person looking out for me 

Though I have learned a lot from these months
Whats most important is what i've overcome
 emotions I thought I may die from
that now make me realize I answer to no one
but the lord who gives me the strength to run
from the absurdities that challenge my equilibrium

And being here on the other side
I can see clearly that theres nothing I left behind
because the people who want the best for me are always by my side
and thats why you my dear, you no longer deserve my time.

what is this sickening ache I feel in my chest?
why has it settled here, preventing me from rest?

I see how similar a heart can break between two totally different souls
the brain looses all rational thought and is abducted and sold

hold my hand to ease the pain
of tears that trickles down my cheek with shame

for I never dreamt I could cry this much
with every drop of sadness leaving my cheeks red with blush

and I suppose I can only blame myself
to be overcome with these poor emotions instead of a finding a saner wealth

but honestly if loving you is wrong I wouldn't want to be right
because that bliss you gave me those many moons ago is enough to make me fight

I will treck on in search of another light to lead me from the shadows of the night
and in these in between times, I will continue to write.

Garden State

Go watch Garden State.

Even if you've seen it.

Go watch it again.

Its important.

This movie feels important.

So watch it. And think of me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS7e43qVpbE&feature=endscreen

This song puts into words perfectly how I used to pine for a girl who stopped returning to my bed.

It used to haunt me in my own mixed up head.

I couldnt' trust my own judgements, for I was gradually loosing it instead.

To think I thought she'd be the one to bring me back to sanity.


On the contrary, she pushed me away and found how to silence me.

I was mute and screaming at the same time,

My lips where parted but my words were in a bind.


Where's the song to explan the pain that kind of treatment caused?

If I cannot find one I'll have to write one justice
with hardly any pause-

So that there isnt enough silence for you to speak,

now you'll just have to listen and hope theres a line that you seek.