Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Mathew 19-14
I asked my Uncle George to find me a passage from the bible to include in a eulogy for the passing of an eight year old boy.
He read me this one:
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Perfect, I thought.
Thats all I needed to hear.
Om
It would be understandable if I lost my mind
but that would only be a HUGE waste of time
so instead ill think of you as i stare at the sun
and recall how your presence never hurt anyone
you were a simple joy in this chaotic world
you were comfortingly innocent, just lie every young boy and girl.
I must think good thoughts. . .
for it wasn't me who lost a son.
Life could always be worse,
but this feel like a treacherous curse.
I am still alright
I am still alive.
Yet life feels heavy
my heart has changed
it beats differently now
with pain.
I have pain in my heart
for the life too shortly lived
for the potential unused
for the growth that has now ended.
my love really lies with the parents
one biological and one adopted
still love all the same
this the same family
who has kept me sane.
Its interesting what you notice
when you really open your eyes
when you see what you've missed
that were standing in front of you all along…
breath.
stay strong.
you can't lose your mind to this.
Lets give him one last kiss
recall the life that bloomed before your eyes
he was a natural leader, bold and alive
he will connect us in grief for the rest of our lives
It beautiful really, the way people bond in distress
its poetic really, now one boy can be missed by all the rest
We lost an angel that day.
Friday April the 4th- 4,4,14
But his memory will live on in my stories
this adventurer deserves an epic journey
walk with me as i imagine your glory
and how you will save us from suffering in your absence.
Life could always be worse,
but this feel like a treacherous curse.
I am still alright
I am still alive.
Yet life feels heavy
my heart has changed
it beats differently now
with pain.
I have pain in my heart
for the life too shortly lived
for the potential unused
for the growth that has now ended.
my love really lies with the parents
one biological and one adopted
still love all the same
this the same family
who has kept me sane.
Its interesting what you notice
when you really open your eyes
when you see what you've missed
that were standing in front of you all along…
breath.
stay strong.
you can't lose your mind to this.
Lets give him one last kiss
recall the life that bloomed before your eyes
he was a natural leader, bold and alive
he will connect us in grief for the rest of our lives
It beautiful really, the way people bond in distress
its poetic really, now one boy can be missed by all the rest
We lost an angel that day.
Friday April the 4th- 4,4,14
But his memory will live on in my stories
this adventurer deserves an epic journey
walk with me as i imagine your glory
and how you will save us from suffering in your absence.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
I am anything you want me to be.
I am anything you want me to be.
I live in the shadows created by sunlight
I am the gorgeous color of the leaves
Come play with me
lose yourself in beautiful fantasies
a state of ludos- latin for easing pleasures
letting go of all your worries and embracing the moment as if it could last forever
breath darling, take in that air
your son is waiting there
in the moment when all in life makes sense, it is alright
for such a sad to thing to have happened because it helped you want to fight
fight for the justice of a man wanting a chance to love his child
and all the while
fight for the strength not to let the heart go completely wild
hold tight to your sanity, your son still needs your to be strong
rather then destruct your own life irrationally
lets put these feelings into a memorable song
he would have liked that
sing of him in all his glory in all his days
he liked to sing and dance right with ya
he would be smiling in all types of ways
he was a joy to have around
and whenever his voice got real loud
i'd giggle and hug myself, not caring who was around.
I live in the shadows created by sunlight
I am the gorgeous color of the leaves
Come play with me
lose yourself in beautiful fantasies
a state of ludos- latin for easing pleasures
letting go of all your worries and embracing the moment as if it could last forever
breath darling, take in that air
your son is waiting there
in the moment when all in life makes sense, it is alright
for such a sad to thing to have happened because it helped you want to fight
fight for the justice of a man wanting a chance to love his child
and all the while
fight for the strength not to let the heart go completely wild
hold tight to your sanity, your son still needs your to be strong
rather then destruct your own life irrationally
lets put these feelings into a memorable song
he would have liked that
sing of him in all his glory in all his days
he liked to sing and dance right with ya
he would be smiling in all types of ways
he was a joy to have around
and whenever his voice got real loud
i'd giggle and hug myself, not caring who was around.
to think…
I think i loved you because you made me feel something.
You made me feel sincere happiness.
You made me feel loved.
And then that love died.
And i cried and i cried.
And now all these years later
I can barely remember
feeling anything for you
compared to what i've felt
for these people who got me over you
and those same people
who consoled me in my darker times
now theres pain in their eyes
having lost a child.
a CHILD of nine.
And here I am
their loyal friend
feeling helpless
crying from agony and madness
a deeper cry then before
this cry opens dark doors
it numbs the brain for intervals of time
then releases a wave of grief that tsunamis the eye
its an exhausting roller coster of the most intense scenario of sadness i can imagine for any human in all of man kind
it is a maddening situation that tests the strongest person who has ever loved a child or any human being more then his own mind
it is a nightmare, a tragedy - a heartbreaking sad ending.
But the story has not finished for it never does
The story of this beautiful family lives on, and he lives now through our hearts.
We have planted a tree of him in our hearts where he will grow.
Life is somehow more meaningful now that i carry a piece of you wherever i go.
We must rejoice his life-
and then take ownership of the lesson this fate has disguised.
What can we do to honor him?
What does he understand now that his life has ended?
This is a wake up call in itself, more important to learn from tragedy then to acquire wealth.
Love is the most valuable aspect of life.
To have loved a child so pure, innocent and new to the world- and then lose him before he has been given a proper chance to grow- is horrifying.
It is the worst kind of fate. But it does not kill the soul.
We must remember Anne Franks Father. What a human duty he did by sharing his daughters diary. A real person going through one of the most horrifying fate's god could muster.
But he lived on for the sake of his child, to honor her life and the service she did by writing.
And thats what we must do for you, Sweet Antwuan.
You made me feel sincere happiness.
You made me feel loved.
And then that love died.
And i cried and i cried.
And now all these years later
I can barely remember
feeling anything for you
compared to what i've felt
for these people who got me over you
and those same people
who consoled me in my darker times
now theres pain in their eyes
having lost a child.
a CHILD of nine.
And here I am
their loyal friend
feeling helpless
crying from agony and madness
a deeper cry then before
this cry opens dark doors
it numbs the brain for intervals of time
then releases a wave of grief that tsunamis the eye
its an exhausting roller coster of the most intense scenario of sadness i can imagine for any human in all of man kind
it is a maddening situation that tests the strongest person who has ever loved a child or any human being more then his own mind
it is a nightmare, a tragedy - a heartbreaking sad ending.
But the story has not finished for it never does
The story of this beautiful family lives on, and he lives now through our hearts.
We have planted a tree of him in our hearts where he will grow.
Life is somehow more meaningful now that i carry a piece of you wherever i go.
We must rejoice his life-
and then take ownership of the lesson this fate has disguised.
What can we do to honor him?
What does he understand now that his life has ended?
This is a wake up call in itself, more important to learn from tragedy then to acquire wealth.
Love is the most valuable aspect of life.
To have loved a child so pure, innocent and new to the world- and then lose him before he has been given a proper chance to grow- is horrifying.
It is the worst kind of fate. But it does not kill the soul.
We must remember Anne Franks Father. What a human duty he did by sharing his daughters diary. A real person going through one of the most horrifying fate's god could muster.
But he lived on for the sake of his child, to honor her life and the service she did by writing.
And thats what we must do for you, Sweet Antwuan.
if my heart were a garden...
If my heart were a garden
my lovers would be flowers
my family you be grass
but you
my sweet little angle
you would be a weeping willow tree
planted sturdy, roots deep and secure
you wear your vines like pearls
the wind playfully invited you to a romantic dance
open those eyes dear
notice the signs
the connections, read in-between the lines
theres a message hidden in every moment
the pretty sights, sounds of nature
singing to you from Gods lips
pleasing the ear
flowing out your finger tips.
He is here with you
he is alive through you
on the page
in your mind
imagining him in heaven
breathing with ease in his eyes
Death is a safe place
escape from suffering in this world
let all your worries go
and just float
and breath
and enjoy the fact that you lived at all.
Thats all we can do really.
Is be happy for what we had.
Laughter.
Love.
Loss.
Feeling it all.
Happy to have felt at all.
my lovers would be flowers
my family you be grass
but you
my sweet little angle
you would be a weeping willow tree
planted sturdy, roots deep and secure
you wear your vines like pearls
the wind playfully invited you to a romantic dance
open those eyes dear
notice the signs
the connections, read in-between the lines
theres a message hidden in every moment
the pretty sights, sounds of nature
singing to you from Gods lips
pleasing the ear
flowing out your finger tips.
He is here with you
he is alive through you
on the page
in your mind
imagining him in heaven
breathing with ease in his eyes
Death is a safe place
escape from suffering in this world
let all your worries go
and just float
and breath
and enjoy the fact that you lived at all.
Thats all we can do really.
Is be happy for what we had.
Laughter.
Love.
Loss.
Feeling it all.
Happy to have felt at all.
RIP my beloved Antwuan
Friday, April 4th 2014 marks the day the world lost an angel but gained a beautiful bright star in the sky.
Every time I look up at the sky, and feel the warmth of the sun on my face, the smell of fresh cut grass with the sound of children playing in the background - I'll be thinking of you. You and how magical you made the world feel just by the sound of your laughter, by the sight of your smile and the warmth of your hugs.
Today I wake up with tears in my eyes but wipe them away with a smile.
It's a beautiful day and I just want to celebrate the life of a beautiful child.
May you, Antwuan, always live in my heart until we are reunited in my own depart.
Every time I look up at the sky, and feel the warmth of the sun on my face, the smell of fresh cut grass with the sound of children playing in the background - I'll be thinking of you. You and how magical you made the world feel just by the sound of your laughter, by the sight of your smile and the warmth of your hugs.
Your legacy will live on, in our minds hearts and souls. I shall write a million stories about you, about the burning fire of love you have sparked in so many hearts. I am honored to have know you at all little guy.
Suddenly- I am listening to the music of bag pipes playing in the background as I type this. This marks beginning of a new sports season. I hear the children cheering for joy, and my heart is swelling for you sweet boy. I feel you here, you are rejoicing as well - you are playing in the sunlight that touches the face of your strong father, Dell.
Carry on my sweet little angel, play in the clouds so that we peer up at them we'll feel you there look down on us. proud. RIP <3 p="">
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