He is no different then you and I.

He falls and triumphs just like the next guy.

There is nothing super human about this man,
for he's realized time and again how life doesn't always go according to plan.

I've decided to be a full time blogger.

I was thinking about the things people can leave behind in this world.

And it reminded me of something my hs english teacher once said.
"No one takes words more seriously then a writer."

I agree. Writers notice things about the world that are hidden to the naked eye. They see a moment and recreate it so a reader can envision it in their mind.

Then the question popped into my head.
"Am I a writer?"

I mean i've written these blogs for some time now. But does anyone really read it? Does it count if you have no fans or followers?

Do my words matter?

Which has lead me to this. I am making the conscious decision to become a full time writer.

Because I have these words stuck inside me,
and at times I feel them beating on my chest from within
making my heart race
and i'll want to scream
but i'm too scared to scream
too scared of what the world would think
the fear
felt too great
and it silenced me towards a weary fate

but its odd how different I feel now
how the fear has melted and and ease has replaced it
so the ease leads me to these keys
and these keys spell out these words
as I type them on this digital page
to share with the digital world.

I won't know if the reader is a boy or a girl
but reguardelss of the gender or age or perspective
I'm sharing my thoughts
expressing my sorrows
in hope you can relate and feel better about tomorrow.

"I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." - Edgar Allan Poe

When I read this and think how sane I have felt in these recent months, its almost displeasing to realize my heart has been untouched for so long.

I went mad when my heart felt you leave its side,
when the comfort of your touch was no where in sight.
Now that I am on the other side,
how I sit so often and miss the way love had opened my eyes.

why is it so hard to accept the love thats in front of us?
why does it feel so wrong to follow the things we lust?
when will there be a path that I can trust?

I cry, I sigh

I cry for the absurdities of things
 the way a cage bird sings
the slow sad song of their despair
that no matter how loud they are
no one really stays long enough to care.

I cry for the pain in my heart
of the unfulfilled hopes of a new start
that maybe this time I learn for good
all the lessons I know should

I cry for the people who I cannot make right
for the father who used to hold me so tight
for my mother who never takes a break from trying her best
even when god throws her the hardest of tests.

I cry for all the girls who don't think their enough
for those unworthy boys who think their so tough
who get stuck with babies and bills and sores
pondering of what life will now have in store.

and sitting here thinking of how free I could be
If I just left all this baggage that was forced upon me
I'd head for the moutains, the hills or the seas
fulfilling that fate of uncertainty.

but then I rememebr how I will be missed
how I wont forgive myself if I wasnt there to recive my mothers last kiss
how life wasnt made easy, so I should stop expecting anything else
I must do whats right and stick it out with people who are worth more then wealth.

So I cry for the pain I endure from this life
but I sigh soon there after, knowing what i've got is more then suffice.

Just a taste

Tell me the story to forget the world.

Hold me so tightly that I can't feel the pain of being restricted to this skin.

Touch me with your eyes and stare into them like you can read my mind.

Pretend that you care so I can affirm my existence
and not fall into the darkness of my imagination.

Justify my thoughts with your forehead to my forehead,
with our noses dancing and our lips parted breathing each other in.

Whisper sweet nothings into my ear and seduce me with your breath against my neck

smell my hair because I washed it just for you

do all the things I pray to god to do

so I can worship you with every beat of my heart

because to love something humanly divine is better then dying not tasting that kind of life.

Its a pain to leave Mary Jane

Though she has been a dear friend
it is time I leardned not to pretend
theres a hard lesson i've been taught again and again
and now its time I give it my full ten

I haven't been sober in over a year
a "funtioning pothead" is the title I feared
and here it is, across my chest
I have become a slave to an addiction as I travel on this difficult quest.

and though she's been kind to lesson the pain
she has yet to cure the problem and left me in vain
for as I sink deeper within with every puff
this bliss that I inhale is just not enough.

I cannot wait around for the man with the pound
I spend too many hours staring aimlessly at the ground
looking for a purpose thats too hard to find
so I just blow away the thoughts with every blunt and dime

but here today I'm ready for the test
and with my thirsty eyes I make an oath to take a rest
for in time I'd like my brain to heal
and perhaps observe what its like to really feel.

Though i've grown to rely on this gift mother nature has supplied
I hope to find a better balance and smoke moderately over time
to enjoy the highs after fighting the lows
to go father then I have ever fathomed to go.