and you do do
you do all the things you can do
Damned if you don't
you don't when you won't
You won't if you don't
everything is placebo
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Friday, September 19, 2014
Late Night INSPIRATION
Read the book Rent Girl.
The first line that struck me: "Lying was a survival skill."
It baffled me how true this was, how in denial i am about my own lying habits and how bluntly these 5 words made the reality of lying feel almost excusable.
We are survivors.
We are all living breathing human survivors.
We are survivors of the brutally harsh cold world that everyday steals another source of light from our lives while also enlightening us with the most beautiful lessons.
We have survived another day and tomorrow we must face another battle.
Its scary and overwhelming and tear jerkingly emotional on the harder days.
But thats the magic of writing.
An amazing writer captures a moment and makes it into a work of art and thats what Michelle Tea has done for me tonight.
Nan Goldin
http://www.twmp.com.mx/2014/07/10/la-fiesta-de-nan-goldin-juevescultural/
Robyn Jordan
http://muthamagazine.com/2014/08/just-the-two-of-us-a-comic-by-robyn-jordan/
Eileen Myles
http://www.eileenmyles.com
The first line that struck me: "Lying was a survival skill."
It baffled me how true this was, how in denial i am about my own lying habits and how bluntly these 5 words made the reality of lying feel almost excusable.
We are survivors.
We are all living breathing human survivors.
We are survivors of the brutally harsh cold world that everyday steals another source of light from our lives while also enlightening us with the most beautiful lessons.
We have survived another day and tomorrow we must face another battle.
Its scary and overwhelming and tear jerkingly emotional on the harder days.
But thats the magic of writing.
An amazing writer captures a moment and makes it into a work of art and thats what Michelle Tea has done for me tonight.
Nan Goldin
http://www.twmp.com.mx/2014/07/10/la-fiesta-de-nan-goldin-juevescultural/
Robyn Jordan
http://muthamagazine.com/2014/08/just-the-two-of-us-a-comic-by-robyn-jordan/
Eileen Myles
http://www.eileenmyles.com
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Finding a Mate
To find a mate
might ideally start with a date.
But this isn't always the case.
At any rate,
a mate
could be fate
or
a person you hate.
Don't just take the bait
of a possible mate
with whom may be late
wait.
Wait for the one to whom you think about
when you open your eyes,
when you go out.
Wait and compare this feeling to another mate.
We always have one to take their place.
Of all the drops, in all the lakes…
there must be one soul to mate.
might ideally start with a date.
But this isn't always the case.
At any rate,
a mate
could be fate
or
a person you hate.
Don't just take the bait
of a possible mate
with whom may be late
wait.
Wait for the one to whom you think about
when you open your eyes,
when you go out.
Wait and compare this feeling to another mate.
We always have one to take their place.
Of all the drops, in all the lakes…
there must be one soul to mate.
Monday, September 8, 2014
"Whatever I do without feeling has no value."
Feeling.
Feel.
To numb the pain, does that mean we feel less?
To continue to complain, does that mean we feel too much distress?
Quiet desperation,
no verbal indication
of a suffering nation
too numb for frustration
Feel, that which is most real
to be ever so present is to skip every other meal.
Give in to temptation,
give out ripples of light
resisting desires
keeps the mind awake at night.
No worries the fury of the other side of the world
for all to know is here in the eyes of each boy N girl
No tears for the years that have come an gone
just ponder them lyrically, write them into a memorable song.
so long to the world, evolving so blue
if ever you were to write, be sure it is presently true.
Feel.
To numb the pain, does that mean we feel less?
To continue to complain, does that mean we feel too much distress?
Quiet desperation,
no verbal indication
of a suffering nation
too numb for frustration
Feel, that which is most real
to be ever so present is to skip every other meal.
Give in to temptation,
give out ripples of light
resisting desires
keeps the mind awake at night.
No worries the fury of the other side of the world
for all to know is here in the eyes of each boy N girl
No tears for the years that have come an gone
just ponder them lyrically, write them into a memorable song.
so long to the world, evolving so blue
if ever you were to write, be sure it is presently true.
Think about it…
In my Intro to Psychology class, we were discussing the ethics of scientific research. My professor asked this great question:
-
Where is the line between learning more about our
psychology (and any science, really) and harming those
in our study?
Its ironic that I've also been watching the show Masters of Sex, the true story of the doctors that began a practice studying the science behind sex, along with the psychology of the person and their methods of mating.
This weeks episode was all about Sexual Dysfunction, and the current participants in the study are a man and a woman who are both suffering from a sexual dysfunction that is so obviously linked to their psychological states. Both are nervous, introverted human beings who haven't had the best luck with congenital sex. Everyone has that one classmate that you secretly predict might stay a virgin forever. For a time, I though that'd be me.
It was eye opening to learn how much our minds influence our abilities to have sex. I myself have always noticed this, as I hadn't become sexually active until my senior year of high school, later then most of my classmates and friends. Looking back, I think I could have waiting longer. I wasn't in love, the boy wasn't even my boyfriend. I feel under the peer pressure of my hormones- something I think wouldn't have been a struggle living in a different time, in a different society.
There was something holding me back, a lack of affirmation from a special someone- which was what I needed to feel comfortable. Comfortability is CRUCIAL.
I see now what a big mystery sex can be. For anyone, including those whom sex comes easy to. That never felt like me. I never got the sex I wanted unless I played the game the players play, and even then- was it really what I, eye, wanted?
Play the game the players play
Have the sex and call it a day.
First the date starts the game
once the clothes are off, you've made it half way
consent is crucial, consent is good
no one must condone forced sex, no one should.
so make sure your ready, your partner too
to do that things birds and bees also do.
A poem for consent, consent is imperative for the brain. Without consent it means they'll be someone to blame. Sex shouldn't be a blame game, it should be a beautiful dance of the bodies. A two person dance that awakens the soul. After all, whats sex real goal? To bring another being into the world. A little boy or girl.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Lets talk about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyctIk4YwZk
My grandfather ALWAYS said:
"You gatt a laugh in life."
Grandpa Milton.
Probably the most gentle and sweet man in my life.
He'd say it after a corny joke or a poke at the ego. He'd say it warmly, with sincere love, as not to sting but to make you SMILE.
You
Which made adoring Robin Williams SO easy.
He could make you laugh even if you specifically trying NOT to.
He was my friend in so many ways.
I must have first heard him as the Genie.
Singing the songs i'd sing to my best friends
"you aint NEVA had a friend like me."
He was right.
I never had a friend like him. He was the kind of friend you could carry with you in your pocket. He'll be there, waiting to crack a joke, seduced by the thrill of creating a fresh smile.
Now that friend is amongst the stars.
And I can only see him in the dark.
How he shines so bright, stands so proud. His audience or fellow stars giggling from his glistening humor.
A symphony of lights shinning brighter on this night that Robin gave up the fight.
After he gave up the fight.
For so many, he was the reason not to give up.
CARPE DIEM ! ! !
He said to his open hearted pupils,
MAKE YOUR LIVES EXTRAORDINARY ! ! !
He told them to LIVE!
TO LIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I wonder what makes him laugh most…
I wish I could have made him laugh
before he turned into casper the ghost. #bars
I recall him as Mrs. Doubtfire.
He never made me doubt his fire.
He put on that dress and went in drag, out of pure LOVE. LOVE.
Robin was ONLY about the love.
I recall first watching him in a serious role in Dead Poets Society. At first I thought this role was so out of character for him. But once I really UNDERSTOOD that his humor was lessons too, I understood that he was really a teacher more then a comedian. He led by example how to swim against the stream:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnAyr0kWRGE
He was the freest spirit only a child can compare.
He was Jack, the kid stuck in a mans body, but somehow didn't care.
He was my teacher. My captain. My poet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdXhWS7lLvs
He taught me all my life, and I didn't even know it.
He.
He was life.
He was life.
He is life.
So tonight, lets pray for the light.
My grandfather ALWAYS said:
"You gatt a laugh in life."
Grandpa Milton.
Probably the most gentle and sweet man in my life.
He'd say it after a corny joke or a poke at the ego. He'd say it warmly, with sincere love, as not to sting but to make you SMILE.
You
HAVE to
LAUGH
in
life.
Which made adoring Robin Williams SO easy.
He could make you laugh even if you specifically trying NOT to.
He was my friend in so many ways.
I must have first heard him as the Genie.
Singing the songs i'd sing to my best friends
"you aint NEVA had a friend like me."
He was right.
I never had a friend like him. He was the kind of friend you could carry with you in your pocket. He'll be there, waiting to crack a joke, seduced by the thrill of creating a fresh smile.
Now that friend is amongst the stars.
And I can only see him in the dark.
How he shines so bright, stands so proud. His audience or fellow stars giggling from his glistening humor.
A symphony of lights shinning brighter on this night that Robin gave up the fight.
After he gave up the fight.
For so many, he was the reason not to give up.
CARPE DIEM ! ! !
He said to his open hearted pupils,
MAKE YOUR LIVES EXTRAORDINARY ! ! !
He told them to LIVE!
TO LIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I wonder what makes him laugh most…
I wish I could have made him laugh
before he turned into casper the ghost. #bars
I recall him as Mrs. Doubtfire.
He never made me doubt his fire.
He put on that dress and went in drag, out of pure LOVE. LOVE.
Robin was ONLY about the love.
I recall first watching him in a serious role in Dead Poets Society. At first I thought this role was so out of character for him. But once I really UNDERSTOOD that his humor was lessons too, I understood that he was really a teacher more then a comedian. He led by example how to swim against the stream:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnAyr0kWRGE
He was the freest spirit only a child can compare.
He was Jack, the kid stuck in a mans body, but somehow didn't care.
He was my teacher. My captain. My poet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdXhWS7lLvs
He taught me all my life, and I didn't even know it.
He.
He was life.
He was life.
He is life.
So tonight, lets pray for the light.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Power Struggle
There are times I want to shut out the world.
I want to quiet the noises of the city streets,
of the gum chewing shit talking hand slapping divas who thing they know it all
of those pretty boy good for nothing hoodlums who ride around on their bikes looking for prey,
of those naive parents who go out in the middle of the night in an oblivious rage looking for the child that sound have been in bed hours ago, only to find her lounging on a bench with a couple of young hungry dogs looking for prey but they have fearlessness in their eyes like the ones in your brothers before he died, so dad just yells at you to get your 15 year old ass in bed cause you got school in the morning.
Damn,
I wish i could quiet my mind.
Of the guilt of the hurting who haunt me with their mad eyes.
Like i've done something wrong, singing the same song,
so i change up the beat, turn up the heat
and eventually realize i'm just burning my own feet.
Damn, does this pain have relief?
Damn, do these drugs make me weak?
Damn these easy relief good for nothing habits are a CHEAT.
Yet i still do it every day, every week every hour-
i'm high off the idea that drugs bring power.
When in actuality they just distract and devour,
unless your selling em
and not doin em,
making income an hour
now thats REAL power.
Power. what is that?
A way to control a mouse,
from another cat?
Cat, with your narrowed eyes
are you one of the few animals
that are never caught in a lie?
Lie- why do we do it?
To lie is to fictionalize a feeling
before truly going through it.
Through it, as I go.
I go and I go and I know that I go and I slow and I speed and I cry and I need.
Need. Feed. Greed. Weed…
Weed,
the bond of the stoners who think weed somehow helps.
Help.
Help!
HELPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!
I am.
I want to quiet the noises of the city streets,
of the gum chewing shit talking hand slapping divas who thing they know it all
of those pretty boy good for nothing hoodlums who ride around on their bikes looking for prey,
of those naive parents who go out in the middle of the night in an oblivious rage looking for the child that sound have been in bed hours ago, only to find her lounging on a bench with a couple of young hungry dogs looking for prey but they have fearlessness in their eyes like the ones in your brothers before he died, so dad just yells at you to get your 15 year old ass in bed cause you got school in the morning.
Damn,
I wish i could quiet my mind.
Of the guilt of the hurting who haunt me with their mad eyes.
Like i've done something wrong, singing the same song,
so i change up the beat, turn up the heat
and eventually realize i'm just burning my own feet.
Damn, does this pain have relief?
Damn, do these drugs make me weak?
Damn these easy relief good for nothing habits are a CHEAT.
Yet i still do it every day, every week every hour-
i'm high off the idea that drugs bring power.
When in actuality they just distract and devour,
unless your selling em
and not doin em,
making income an hour
now thats REAL power.
Power. what is that?
A way to control a mouse,
from another cat?
Cat, with your narrowed eyes
are you one of the few animals
that are never caught in a lie?
Lie- why do we do it?
To lie is to fictionalize a feeling
before truly going through it.
Through it, as I go.
I go and I go and I know that I go and I slow and I speed and I cry and I need.
Need. Feed. Greed. Weed…
Weed,
the bond of the stoners who think weed somehow helps.
Help.
Help!
HELPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!
I am.
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