babling and babling and babling awayyyyyyy...

Friday- October 5th, 2010 
9:01am

Repeat after me-
"Your not alone. your never really alone."
I am talking myself down from a possible hysteria due to stress from a yet to be completed paper and lack of any sleep.
You only feel that way when your scared of the unknown, of the challenges up a head that could possibly break your heart but could just as easily make you the person you are meant to become.
How do we do it. wake up each morning, fight the urge to just stay in bed, to be imobile and wallow in our uncertainties. Somehow we are able to get up, to get dressed, to give a shit about our higine in hopes that something new and good is about to come out way, and all we have to do is make sure we're at the right place and the right time to receive it. Are all the best things in life the hardest?

How can you know the right way to live? What if you've been doing it all wrong?
Are the conversations you have with friends less precious then an academic paper because your not graded on how well you relate to people. Or are those moments where you want to cry because you feel so lucky to have someone the reason god keeps letting us breed more and more humans each day.

WHAT ARE WE HERE FOR? WHAT IS OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE TO DO? 

God, if your listening, i'm not expecting an answer. I just want a sign that your there. looking over us and caring. Caring if we trip and fall, crash and burn. Sending us signals that as your children, as your people and the creation of your being, you love us. Because if you don't know love from god, how can u be sure love exist amongst people?

I want to explore more of this way of thinking. Perhaps philosophy really is more my forte and therefore I should consider picking it up as my minor, if i don't decide to pursue gender studies first.

Simone De Buevere, I wonder what it felt like to be you. A brilliant feminist philosopher boning on of the most brilliant men in the world. She must have been some kind of wonderful.

I have not seen my mom in two weeks, but what feels like longer. i am crazing on of her warm soft hugs.



Truth is, i have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I'm here, at college, on my own. forming relationships i never thought I'd have, overcoming issues I never dreamed I could concur on my own. Its all the time I still have to fuck it all up that scares me shitless. I can barely catch my breath at times, and then just barely to build up enough strength to let go and breath out. I feel so very vulnerable. my biggest comfort is when I am encountered with a person who snaps me back to the reality that we are all going through this, alone, together.

These are my thoughts at college thus far.

To be continued...