You ever wonder how homeless people got on the street. Walk past one sitting on the sidewalk with a sign and a cup in front of them, peering eagerly up at you because you are one of the only people who acknowlegde their existence, therefore you might be the person who gives them that sacred dollar?
I wonder if those people ever dream that one day a nice wealthily person in a fancy designer suit will just come up to them and say "I'm going to save you from your misery today."
Has that ever REALLY happened other then in movies? Can a stranger really save you?
I feel as though a stranger has saved me. The problem is that they weren't a stranger in my eyes before, they were just a new friend. But now that I look back it is abundantly clear that they were but a stranger. Then again I am surrounded by a lot of strangers who I now call friends.
I sometimes walk out onto this great big lawn of grass at night, when there is so little light so you can see the stars so much more clearly. Its magnificent, especially since the moon is almost full and glows with this ring of light around it. I ponder of the days when I wished to be an astronaut, one of the few woman at that, and get to explore the moon. What a sight, to be able to take a stroll on that thing in the sky, away from my home and my past and my pain. I would do the moon walk, and dance around the flags from all the countries that have made it there. How I wish I could just escaper to another world entirely, to not be burdened with the constant reminder that I will never have what I SO BADLY want more then anything right now.
The cravings are eating away at me SO MUCH that I almost can't take even being here, pretended that I'm so light and bubbly when all I feel inside is this heavy mound of regret and sadness.
My only real happiness these days are my walks into the trees. They feel more like my friends then anything else. They tower over me, provide me shade when its too hot, and let me lean on them when I feel weak. I used to have visions that I could just fall into the earth, get absorbed by the soil and just sprout out into a large beautiful tree. Then again, there is no chance I could ever sit still in one spot for my whole life. I am a drifter, it is my nature to explore and branch out.
Which brings me back to the homeless. What is one of those homeless people were just running away from their pain, and all it lead them to was no money and no home? What if one day they were standing on their college campus, and they have that "ah-ha" moment where everything is put into perspective. And they realize they don't belong there. That they never REALLY belonged there. That in order to find themselves, they have to disappear. They have to not exist to all these people who only cause them pain. That didn't tell anyone, didn't notify the troops or call their mother. In that same "ah-ha" moment they have already begun to drift away, mentally. And then they just start walking. Into the woods. Away from their beds. No cell phone needed. They just start walking, and never look back.
What was it like for them in the moment to know they would never have to go back? Relief? Sorrow?
I hope they were in a search for better things. For that miracle only few get to see. I wish only the very best because thats what I hope people hope for me.
