In Limbo.

This is a poem I found on a website my mother sent to me. Its as if this poem was written to pin point exactly what I'm feeling. Funny how you sit in front of a desk, with i diary or journal upon it, a pen in hand, and you try with all your brain power to think of the words to describe your emotions. Then you hear one poem or song, and suddenly the words are THERE! And you have an "ah-ha" moment because you finally understand how you feel, but not only that, you have found a person who identifies with you. This poem is that for me.

My life has fallen down
around me before
--lots of times,
for lots of reasons--
usually other people.

And most of the time
I was fortunate enough
to have a large lump of
that life hit me on the
head and render me numb
to the pain & desolation
that followed.
And I survived.
And I live to love again.

But this,
this slow erosion from below
--or within--
it's me falling down around my life
because you're still in that life
--but not really.
And you're out of that life
--but not quite.

I do all right
alone,
and better
together,
but
I do very poorly
when
semi-
together.

In solitude
I do much,
in love
I do more,
but
in doubt
I only transfer
pain to paper
in gigantic Passion Plays
complete with miracles and martyrs
and crucifixions and resurrections.

Come to stay
or
stay away.

This series of passion poems
is becoming a heavy cross to bare.