Dancing with death

The idea of death
Used to comfort me
In my darkest hour
I wanted to die
But it's not what you think
I wanted to see
How people would be
In my absence.

I used to sit in class
Anxiety accelerating at the speed
It took my professor to read.
I would stare out the window
At a beautiful tree
Feel comforted in the fact
That I could die easily.
If someone were to just hit me with a car
I would be free of this misery.

Gradually, those feelings left
Happiness crept
And I could breath once again
With ease.

Today I dance a different tango with death
For now that I want to live
The fear is to lose a love
That's helped me bare this life.